The Mimi Chronicles—When All Grandchildren Are Not Created Equal

Of course, I love all of my grandchildren equally. And when it comes to doling out cookies and making pierogies and picking out new books at the local indie bookstore, the kids each has her/his own fair share.

The lesson my twin granddaughters are now learning is that even though they are twins, not everything in their little world is distributed in equal measure.

Because of the dynamic between the two girls, my daughter and son-in-law chose to put the girls in separate classrooms for kindergarten this year. It has proven to be a good choice. Molly has learned to stand on her own instead of relying on Harper, and Harper has learned that she does not have to jump in quickly to pick up Molly’s slack.

For the first time in their young lives, each girl has friends of her own in addition to the friends they’ve been sharing before they started attending school.

This has been the year when one girl would receive a birthday party invitation that the other one did not. That was a little tough at first, but their parents are guiding the girls through the workings of the world.

Over the past school year, each girl has been recognized in some manner by their teachers and the school’s recognition programs. They don’t always receive recognition for the same things at the same times, since each teacher has her own criteria for “attagirls”, but overall, it has worked out to be basically equal.

But the school year is winding down, and the school is planning a final large assembly with year-end awards.

My daughter received a letter in the mail two weeks ago telling her that Molly would be one of those honored at the assembly. Harper waited patiently at first for her to letter arrive but her anxiety went up, and up, and up as days went by and no letter came for her. Mommy and Daddy had to explain to Harper that each teacher makes her own choices, and just because her teacher didn’t give her an award, it didn’t mean that Harper didn’t have a good year at school and she is truly a good person.

Earlier this week, I saw a page on Facebook from a woman who makes custom, hand-sewn dresses and other outfits for little girls. She likes to name her dresses, and I saw one that she called Harper.

You can imagine, I’m sure, that of all the items you can find that are personalized with names—jewelry, mugs, magnets, picture frames, etc.—you will just about never see anything with Harper on it. So when I saw this dress, I immediately ordered one.

My first instinct was to present it to Harper as consolation for not winning a year-end award in school. But it didn’t take me very long to realize, that I wouldn’t be doing her any favors by doing that. She needs to work through her disappointment and not come to expect that there will always be someone or something to make up for something that comes her sister’s way but not hers. I’ll wait a little while to give her the dress, and present it to her as just something cute that carries her name.

Which then, of course, leads me to the fact that Molly, who loves pretty dresses as much as Harper does, will be sad and disappointed that Mimi did not get her a dress. And so the lesson will continue. I will explain to her about the name of the dress being the same as her sissy’s, and that as soon as I find a dress or some other outfit that is named Molly, I will get it for her.

It may seem silly for me to have such angst over dresses and awards, but I believe the point behind those things is an important one for the girls to learn. They’re just little girls now, and these “silly” things are big to them. As they grow, there will be more and more ways that the world will not treat them equally even though they are twins. Learning to manage their emotions and being genuinely happy for each other when inequality inevitably finds them will stand them well as they become adults.

Congratulations, Molly, on your award! Mimi and Pap are very proud of you. And Harper, I hope you will like your namesake dress when I bring it down to you next month.

 

Ground Control To Major Tom

What a beautiful video for a space and Bowie fan like me!

I can’t stop from playing it over and over! Gorgeous music and out-of-this world video. And yes, I meant the bad pun! The beauty of the video makes up for it!

A Litany of Love for All Women on Mother’s Day

I first published this essay two years ago on Mother’s Day. It is still relevant, so here it is again.

We are surrounded by images of a Happy Mother’s Day. TV commercial s and print ads shout at us with dozens of gift ideas. We see pictures of happy children and even happier mothers. It can be a great feel-good holiday, despite the over-commercialization.

But not all mothers are so happy this day.

There are mothers who are estranged from their children; mothers who have lost their children due to illnesses or injuries. There are mothers whose children have been ripped from them by abduction and murder.

There are women who would give up everything they have to become a mother, but it has not happened for them.

And there are women who have chosen not to become a mother. They often endure guilt trips and judgments about their choice, even though no one knows what is in the heart of a woman.

This litany celebrates all women today. Happy mothers, sad mothers, tragic mothers, women who are desperate to be a mother, and women who have chosen not to become a mother. God bless all women today.

To all mothers, may you enjoy a day of delight with your children—Happy Mother’s Day

To all grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and great-great-grandmothers, may you revel in the joy of the next generations of your babies– Happy Mother’s Day

To all godmothers and women who have taken on the role of mother, may you feel the gratitude of those who call you Mother in their hearts– Happy Mother’s Day

To all mothers whose children have passed on, at no matter what age, may you cherish the memories of your children– Happy Mother’s Day

To all children whose mothers have passed on, may you make peace with the loss of your mother– Happy Mother’s Day

To all mothers who do not know where their children are, by choice or by tragedy, may you keep hope alive that in this life or the next, you will be with your children again– Happy Mother’s Day

The Mimi Chronicles—The Guest Room

“Thank you, Mimi, thank you, thank you!”

This exuberant greeting started off my latest Face Time session with my daughter and my sweeties.

I could hear the girls shouting, and see them trying to crowd out their mommy so they could get into the picture.

As I smiled and said “You’re very welcome,” I racked my brain for why. I hadn’t sent them a package lately. There had been no holiday for me to have mailed them a card (with dollars in it, of course.)

Over their excitement I caught my daughter’s eye and whispered, “What are they thanking me for?”

“For their new guest room at your house.”

Um, yes indeed, we were going to have our guest room back. Older son (S1) had gotten his own place and would be moving out in a few weeks. I was going to put back the twin beds that had been in the room, along with the plaid bed clothes that had been on them.

I told my daughter earlier in the week that the next time they visited, the girls would be able to sleep upstairs rather than crowding in a single-size pull-out sofa in the same bedroom where their parents and baby brother slept.

Somewhere in the translation, the girls had determined that it would be “their” room. And they were thrilled.

When I told S1 and Husband what the girls had said, S1 laughed and said he would go out and buy a can of pink paint and some child-appropriate wall decals. He was joking. And so was I. At first.

We rarely get overnight guests other than my daughter and her family. Why not turn the guest room into the sweeties’ room?

Before the evening was over, I had gone online and ordered two Disney princess (their favorites) comforter/sheet sets, two sets of princess wall decals, and a matching night light.

Photo from Amazon.com

 

Husband and I then decided to move all the Barbies and assorted paraphernalia that the girls play with when they visit into “their” room to leave more walking space in the living room. Their toddler brother thinks crayons are a gourmet treat, so I also decided to put the little table and chairs in the “girls’” room so they could color without everyone worrying about the little guy munching on the crayons.

And so, many years after my own children are grown and have left their childish bedrooms behind, I will again have a princess-themed guest room for my darling sweeties.

And I’m loving it!

 

My Wish is His Command

I hereby nominate my husband for Best Husband in the Whole Wide World.

Last week, I wrote about my search for brightly colored Adirondack chairs, like the ones that were all over Hatteras Island last year. I had not had any luck in my quest, until I found some children’s chairs. I snatched them up and put them on my deck, happy just to be able to see their bright colors as passed by the kitchen door.

Just one day later, Husband came home and started a guessing game. “Lilac, cantaloupe, and pink,” he said.

“I need way more than that,” I grumbled.

“Chairs,” was the next clue.

I blinked a few times before it set in.

“MY chairs?”

His grin was the answer! He had gone to the drugstore to pick up some prescriptions, and outside the grocery store next to the drugstore were stacks of the chairs I had been searching for!

“Come on,” he said, “let’s go get them.”

And so just like that, three bright chairs are now waiting for the weather to get warm enough for me to pour some sweet tea, or a margarita, and sit outside relaxing.

He’s the best, I tell you, the very best!

The Mimi Chronicles—Through the Eyes of a Child

This week has brought a couple of occurrences that prompted me to take a fresher look at the world around me. Children do that so well, don’t they?

Monday was Earth Day. Did you celebrate in any way? Did you even know? I have to admit that my answer to both questions is no. At least not until my daughter shared some pictures of what my five-year-old sweeties chose to do on their own. They go to afternoon kindergarten, so early that morning, they suggested to their mom that they go to a local park where they often play to pick up trash. “Let’s make it cleaner for us and our friends to play,” they said.

This wasn’t a school project, or a community activity. Just two little girls thinking on their own that they actually had the power to make their surroundings better for themselves and for others.

Grownups tend to lose that assumption somewhere along the way, don’t we? Not entirely, of course, or else we would be living in chaos. But we get discouraged with political processes, from the local to the national and in between. We get so busy with our daily lives that we allow others to spend their time keeping the PTA and Little League and church activities going. It is so easy to get overwhelmed with the bigness of the world and the enormity of our challenges that we forget that we do have the power to make a difference.

I remember feeling that I could change the world, believing in my youth that if everyone would pitch in, all of life’s problems could be fixed. I felt powerful and energized. But I, too, lost those feelings as time went by. I still worked hard in a career in social services and as one of the “regulars” of the PTA, et. al. But as time went by, I narrowed my view of what I could actually accomplish and lowered my expectations.

My sweeties reminded me of the bliss that comes from naturally and child-ish-ly believing that the world is mine to enjoy and to influence. Maybe if we can somehow hold onto that assumption and couple it with the practicalities of adulthood, we can use that feeling to fuel a renewed commitment to contributing to our world in meaningful ways.

So, enough of the seriousness. I want to share an absolutely hysterical video I stumbled upon this week. This is one child who knows her own mind!

My guess is that this young lady has been reminded, perhaps numerous times, to worry about herself! She does have lovely manners, though, doesn’t she? She remembers to add the “Thank you” after her sternly delivered “No!”

Thank you, Ryan Hunley, for posting this!

Here’s a picture of some joy I stumbled on myself this week! 

Ever since visiting the Outer Banks last summer, I have been searching for the regular size of these chairs, which can be seen all over the Hatteras Island. Their colorfulness makes me smile. I haven’t had any luck, however, in my search. Not until earlier this week, when I discovered these children’s versions. I just had to have them. Although I can’t fit into them, every time I see them when I walk past my kitchen door or window, I brighten up, excited for the approaching summer.

Laughter and joy. They come so naturally to little ones. And they can spread to us like pixie dust if we just take the time to slow down and breathe it in.

Happy spring! I hope you find lots of pixie dust on your way to summer!

A Reader Goes in Search of Ares—A Non-traditional Review of “Of Heroes & Hay Bales” by V. L. Locey

I think it’s fitting to give Of Heroes & Hay Bales a non-traditional review. After all, V. L. Locey gives readers a very non-traditional rendition of the Pantheon of Greek Gods.

I hated, yes actually hated, Greek mythology in high school. At least in the manner in which it was presented. I couldn’t keep anybody straight, what with all the marrying and fooling around with sisters, mothers, half-sisters, uncles, brothers, etc. etc. And there was way too much blood and guts to make any of the stories appealing to me.

With her Gods and Goats trilogy, V. L. Locey has done what no teacher ever could—make me love Greek mythology.

Ares, the Greek god of war, and Libby Simons, Pennsylvania goatherder and young widow, are the main characters in the trilogy. They develop a love that is passionate, fiery, and yet very sweet. Who knew Ares could have such a tender side?

In this spring’s Of Heroes & Hay Bales, the follow-up to last year’s Of Gods and Goats, Libby takes on a new set of challenges as Hades, god of the dead, continues his evil quest to bring the entire world under his control. Libby is aided by an assortment of gods in addition to Ares. There are Ares’ twin sons, Phobos and Deimos, Ares’ daughter, Harmonia, and a number of other gods and creatures that would give any mortal nightmares for the rest of their lives.

I was so taken with how different the gods were from what I remembered from high school, that I decided to take a ride out into the mountains to see if I could find Libby’s farm.

Locey gave me directions and last week, Husband and I took off on our quest to find the gods, and the goats. Locey explained that she had an appointment in town that morning, but Libby would be happy to show us around. (Husband said he wanted to see the animals, but I suspect he wanted to make sure that I didn’t fall under Ares’ spell as Libby did.)